Gone Girl

How many seconds count in a relationship?

After 6 months of dating, I figure new guy and I spent 100,000+ seconds together.  Of those seconds, 999,000 were heaven; couldn’t be better, until the last 60 seconds of the relationship.

I said one thing — the “M” word, the most feared word by men (marriage) — and the relationship was over.  He sounded like a stumbling old man.  I ran to the car and left, and that was that.

The first five days, I was glad to be rid of him, but that changed.  Now I flog myself.  Why did I run like that and why didn’t he stop me?  Why do us women, no matter the age, still want to nest and have the security of marriage?  I am stupid and naive, I guess.  But worse, then that, I miss him like crazy.

If I could change those last 60 seconds, I would, but I can’t, so where do I go from here?  Advice fellow blogger?  I am not a coward and I can call him………


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Happy 2015!

This has not been a good start of the New Year for me.

I am dealing with a tear in my medial meniscal (right knee) and am starting physical therapy — ouch!  My best friends (tennis people) are getting a divorce after 15 months of marriage — did see that one coming.  My wonderful, wonderful mother, age 101,  is going into hospice care — do not think she will see 2016   A male friend, younger then I, has terminal lung cancer — his ex-girlfriend is taking care of him.  My love of six months and I broke up — didn’t see that one coming.  I was in 100%.

I am not crying; I am not feeling sorry for myself.  I am a little depressed, but I think that is natural.  I know life has its up and downs and you can not always control the events that happen.

Long ago, a boyfriend and I broke up and that was that.  Later on, when it was too late, he told me he wanted to call me or e-mail me so much, but he was afraid.  He confessed to being a coward.  I am not a coward; I am going to call my boyfriend and see if he’ll meet and talk with me, BUT, after I go to the big singles Super Bowl party on the river…..

Happy New Year!

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My New Year’s Resolution….

New Years Eve 2015 010

On New Years Eve, six of us had a wonderful dinner at an excellent county restaurant, featuring red MEAT (which I rarely eat anymore.) The meal was great, but I felt like I was dining in the cemetery. Adorning the walls were the heads of assorted deer, elk, moose and who knows what? (Why no cows since they serve cow?) I never ever want to dine in an establishment where dead animal heads grace the walls.

Long ago, when sensitivity to animal suffering started, I read an article from a University of California, Davis, vet, who stated we should treat our animals like we treat our humans. That always stuck with me, since I had heard that vet schools did at one time, break the bones  of a small animals so vet students could have ‘hands on’ experience in how to fix them.. The idea being, you wouldn’t break a human’s leg at a medical doctor’s learning school, to teach the students how to fix a broken leg.

With that in mind, would we have a restaurant of dead human’s heads adorning the walls –? — NO!!!  No one would want to eat in that restaurant. So why do we continue to eat in restaurants that have dead animals on the wall?

This is an easy New Years Eve resolution — no dining in restaurants where dead animals heads are on the wall.

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I have been dating a wonderful man for 6 months. I finally brought up the M Word — marriage. Much to my surprise he can’t see getting married and “maybe” was his answer to getting married. I must be an idiot. This is the first man I would marry in over twenty years of being single and somehow I thought he felt the same. Shame on me; shame on me for having this dream. I thought he was crazy about me.

So we are over. Yes, call it quaint and old fashioned, but I want the man I love to marry me. I cannot accept anything less. Bye, bye, my love. you will do fine. And, I am fine too. Don’t want a guy to stick around who’s a “maybe”.

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I’m Taken…

I haven’t written in awhile, because I have been in a loving one on one relationship since July. Soon, we will be at that all important six month ‘make it or break it’ time. My history has been that I start losing interest at that time or something ‘big’ happens that breaks up the relationship. I have every confidence that we are going to continue on way beyond six months…..so, stay tuned.

I cannot believe at my age (60++++) that I have found the man for me — finally! There is hope and love in the world after all….

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I met a new man — finally — and I really like him.  This could be love again…

But, the other day in the car, he said how good our timing was, because neither of us had any baggage.  He ended a 19 year relationship eight months ago and is way over it and ready to move on with me.  BUT, he has never asked me about my last relationship and I have never volunteered anything.  He doesn’t know that I do have baggage.  I still have feelings for my last love.  I still think of him, but not as much as before.  If he called and wanted to get together, I don’t know what I would say.  I hope I would say no.

So unless I am asked, I will not dwell on baggage.  I think what I am carrying is only a small bag and it is emptying out every day.  And I’m grateful that I have a wonderful, new man.

The best way to get over an old boyfriend, is to get under a new boyfriend; and I have…..




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Sun Setting in the West; Moon Rising in the East….

I spent Friday night in a kayak on Folsom Lake with Jim. We sat under the Folsom Bridge, in the water, our kayaks touching, and watching the sun set, as the moon rose. What a lovely sight. I never felt such a special connected moment, to Jim and to Mother Nature. This is what happiness is; sharing something special with a loved one.

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Haven’t written in awhile; just haven’t felt like it.

Attended a silent art auction last night at the Crocker Art Museum.  Brought home a small painting I love, with a beautiful double white frame.

Art auctions are always fun, whether you buy or not.  The women are always a splash of color in attire. Thank God for the female species.  You can always count on us to look stylish and lovely.  Sorry, men, in comparison, you look drab.

I went with an old single friend, who is now widowed.  I’ve known him for years and he’s always been attractive to me.  But last night he wore a light gold shirt that set off his blond hair.  (I think he had light red hair when he was younger.)  He looked very attractive to me and I found myself wanting to be enfolded in his arms with, YIKES!, …..a kiss.  Well, it didn’t happen and I wonder if it ever will.

Isn’t it nice how art can bring people together?

To be continued…….

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My Heart

I am so bewildered and unsettled….

I talked with my old Tiburon boyfriend this week.  He had e-mailed,then I sent him a text, then he called me.  (We do this every once in awhile; its just meaningless chatter.)  BUT, now I am in turmoil  – – again.  He has no idea and will never know, how much I still care for him.  Hearing his voice and seeing his e-mail words, brings back all the memories and even physical sensations.  How powerful the mind is!

I know I just have to toughen up and accept not being with him and I will.  BUT it is so hard for me.  I can’t forget a thing.

The best way to get over an old boyfriend is to get a new boyfriend.  I have been trying, but I haven’t given my heart away to anyone yet.

I’ve been told that men get over women a lot quicker then women do.  But, the most beautiful love songs in the world are written by men about women.  Maybe men don’t show it or don’t let anyone know they are not over someone; I just don’t know.  I want to think he’s not over me either, but I know its wistful thinking.

So back to regular life now; no more thinking about him; I promise….but its so hard.

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He Fibbed!

Mr. 56 is now Mr. 62.   I am so relivied that he lied….

We met at a swim party hosted by a meetup group.  We talked briefly, but clicked.  He’s in good shape and nice looking.

We got back in touch thru meetup correspondence and its says on his site he is 56.  Now, I’m really sweating it.  I had my swimsuit on when he met; I was looking good, but wearing shades.  He really couldn’t see my face, so he doesn’t know how old I am.  Now I want to put off seeing him.  Don’t know that I believe a good looking 56 year old man would go for a 60++ woman.

But we’ve been e-mailing, texting and talking on the phone.  He spent the weekend in the mountains to celebrate his birthday with his sister.  He told me she bought him a lifetime pass to all the national parks.  It costs about $10 or $12, but you have to be 62 to buy one.  Huh?  I said, “but you wouldn’t be able to use it until you turn 62.”   (I assumed  he celebrated his 57th birthday.)  “Oh, no” he says, “I just turned 62.  What magic, magic words for me.  I’m only a bit older than him.  Thank you, Lord….

Now our first date is tomorrow and I’m still sweating it.  We haven’t seen each other since the beginning of September.  What will that first look be like?

Who said I loved dating?!

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